Instead get your horriblescopes once again for tomorrow! What's in store for you Halloween? We'll see when Trick or Treat night comes around.

Haven't decided on a costume? See second half for suggestions!

!~~~~~~~~~~and now for your scopes~~~~~~~~~~!

Pisces - 19 February - 20 March (that's me)
Opening up to a close friend will probably be the worst thing you could do, in your situation. The stars predict rocky times for you and a loved one. Avoid making love in cramped places. Darn! Guess I won't try to have my way with him him in the closet!ha!

Aries 21 March - 19 April
Homeopathic treatments are not generally carried out by psychopathic people. I'm not entirely sure you know that the 'pathic' part of those two words doesn't mean that they're related. Homelessness is a very poor way to begin the year, so ensure money is not an issue for you.

Taurus - 20 April - 20 May
Lifting heavy objects may cause you pain later today. This week is going to be a series of ups and downs. Mostly downs, but also mostly ups. Assume everyone's an idiot today and you may find yourself being patronizing and brilliantly witty.

Gemini - 21 May - 21 June
The best of excuses are those that are plausible (so, not ones that involve you, super-powers and hordes of sexy friends). If it's tasty, then lap it up. If not, don't. This is the best course of action for this week. Lorry loads of plastic fake dog-poo may dump itself in front of your house today, making it very difficult for cars to park.

Cancer - 22 June - 22 July
Placing your mouth around the exhaust of a car stuck in traffic is bound to cause more traffic problems. Please take into consideration the needs of others. Baskets of eggs may cause problems for you today as you try to take on too much work.

Leo - 23 July - 22 August
Flapping your arms like a bird is a good way to call attention to yourself. Gift horses always happen to those who least expect it. The moral of this horoscope is: expect a gift horse. The tension between you and a co-worker may ease today as you suddenly realize you have other stronger ties.

Virgo - 23 August - 22 September
Changing your lifestyle and underwear are always a good start. It may be time to accept that you're a failure and a loser.

Libra - 23 September - 23 October
Avoid low-level lighting this week, and any power lines that you might have to pass under on the way to work. "Rankle" is a beautiful word, but may blow your world apart today. The story of the tortoise and the hare will make you rethink things over the coming week. Like, how lazy was that hare, eh? Jeez, I mean, that bunny should've whupped that table ornament.

Scorpio - 24 October - 21 November
Your footsteps will seem louder today as you break in new shoes. However, this will not be a metaphorical sign of anything greater. Moving house is very stressful. Not that I'm saying that's what you're doing or even planning to do. But it is stressful, you have to agree. Prepare to gape widely at the beautiful horror you'll experience this month. Check out what you should be for Halloween down below!

Sagittarius - 22 November - 21 December
Tomorrow will bring fresh excitement and vigor to your otherwise dull self. Fault for your situation can be accredited to anyone you wish - go nuts!

Capricorn - 22 December - 19 January
Distinguished guests will honor you today with their presence. Although it may be true that you are being hunted down by pirates, you may wish to avoid using the name "Long Dong Silver".

Aquarius - 20 January - 18 February
Telling your partner that you are better than they at sex, is probably not going to win you any favors. To the rest of the world, you are like brine shrimp. Fun, but ultimately useless and short lived. ha!



**disclaimer**
The above horoscopes are intended for humor purposes only. If you did not enjoy your horoscope too darn bad!

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Haven't decided what "TO BE" for Halloween; Here are some suggestions! by Rob Brenzy of the Village Voice! ha! too funny! You guys better dress in costumes too, coz I'm coming around to check! LOL

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ARIES (March 21–April 19):Nineteenth-century English poet Dante Gabriel Rossetti wrote a series of sensual sonnets inspired by his relationship with his wife, Elizabeth. Before he could publish them, Elizabeth died. He was so distraught he placed the only copy of his manuscript in the grave with her. Years later, he decided the love poems were too good to consign forever to the oblivion of the dirt. He had the coffin disinterred and recovered his work. I suggest you draw inspiration from this story, Aries. Reclaim riches that you once abandoned or left for dead. Halloween costume suggestions: grave digger, archaeologist, miner, psychic medium who communes with the spirits of the departed.

TAURUS [April 20–May 20] "Jaws" is the most common name for pet goldfish. Take your cue from this fun fact, Taurus. Identify the mildest, tamest, most passive part of you, then push it in the direction of becoming more daring, assertive, and courageous. If it helps to give that part of you a nickname like "Jaws," by all means do so. Halloween costume suggestion: a shark, Tyrannosaurus, dragon, or football player.

GEMINI [May 21–June 20] A sizable proportion of Christians are addicted to pornography, according to a poll conducted by a major Christian website (christi an news.christianet.com). If that's true, it's dramatic proof of what psychologists say: that we're prone to be unhealthily obsessed and possessed by whatever we demonize. Meditate on how this theme might apply to you, Gemini. Investigate whether you're being hurt by your scorn and anger and hatred. And please note that I'm not advising you to protect yourself from people or things you judge as bad, but rather from your attitudes about them. Halloween costume suggestion: a fundamentalist porn star.

CANCER [June 21–July 22] In December 1984, come-dian T.R. Benker told jokes for 48 consecutive hours at a restaurant in Mount Prospect, Illinois. Last year, Ethiopian oddball Belachew Girma laughed nonstop for 100 minutes at a club in Munich. These two chuckle- meisters are your role models, Cancerian. Your assignment is to stimulate massive attacks of reeling merriment and potent doses of sacred revelry as much as possible, both in yourself and others. Halloween costume suggestion: a court jester who relentlessly doles out compliments; a smirking prankster with angel wings and a halo; Santa Claus with a bag full of joke gifts; Lucille Ball imitating Sarah Silverman or vice versa.

LEO [July 23–Aug. 22] Most flowers depend on pollinators to reproduce. Birds and insects brush up against a flower's male parts, picking up pollen that they leave on the female parts of the next flower they visit. But nature has created an anomaly that doesn't play by these rules. A wild orchid known as Holcoglossum amesianum fecundates itself. Its male bits actually move, carrying out a complicated maneuver to reach around and down to deposit pollen directly into its female portions. This orchid is your power symbol, Leo. I hope it encourages you to learn more about self-fertilization—to increase your mastery of the underappreciated art of inspiring and teaching and taking care of yourself. Halloween costume suggestion: a hermaphrodite carrying a wild orchid.

VIRGO [Aug. 23–Sept. 22] French author André Gide said, "The color of truth is gray." Make that your watchword, Virgo. Resist the temptation to fall in love with bright, shiny red facts or alluring azure maxims. Run like the wind from anyone who tries to sell you a story about good guys in white hats versus bad guys in black hats. The more comfortable you are with veracities that have the hue of dirty dishwater, the more likely it is you'll see things exactly as they are, free of delusions and deceits. Halloween costume suggestion: any elaborate, intricate getup, like a commedia dell'arte character's outfit, that's all gray.

LIBRA [Sept. 23–Oct. 22] Chinese professor Cao Shizhong is head of the Slanting Building Correction Research Institute. His company specializes in straightening vertical structures that are tilting. He has offered to fix Italy's Leaning Tower of Pisa, though not completely. Recognizing that it's a tourist attraction, Shizhong doesn't want to make it so upright that it'll lose its appeal to the curious. So he has offered to give it the same mild slant it had when it was first constructed in 1350. Let's apply this as a metaphor, Libra. I suggest that you partially rectify something that's slouching or lopsided in your life. Don't be such a compulsive perfectionist that it loses its soulful charm. Halloween costume suggestion: a beauty queen with a big pimple; a superhero with a broken arm.

SCORPIO [Oct. 23–Nov. 21] You're ready for takeoff. It's time to taxi to the launch location and prepare to go airborne. I suggest you do what birds and airplanes do, which is to fly directly into the wind as you leave the ground. As long as you're forcefully propelling yourself forward, that will give you maximum lift. Oh, and flap your wings gracefully, not frenetically. Don't stare at the ground right beneath you, but rather fix your gaze on a distant point high above you. Halloween costume suggestion: eagle, jet, hang glider, dragonfly. Scratch, see that's why you have that superman icon! this is perfect for you! LOL

SAGITTARIUS [Nov. 22–Dec. 21] About 7,500 people live on Nauru, a coral atoll in the South Pacific. For years, their primary source of income has come from bird droppings, from which they harvest and export phosphates. I suggest you draw inspiration from their example, Sagittarius. Can you think of any wastes you could cash in on? Might it be possible for you to make money from something you think of as useless and messy? Is there some muck that might actually turn out to be valuable if you only considered it from a fresh perspective? Halloween costume suggestion: a plumber carrying a wad of bills; a garbage man or garbage woman wearing a royal crown; a janitor sporting shamanic accessories.

CAPRICORN [Dec. 22–Jan. 19] Thomas Paine was a zealous insurrectionary. He wrote incendiary pamphlets that helped ignite and sustain America's struggle for independence from Great Britain. Early in his life, however, he worked making women's girdles, which are among the most constrictive and oppressive garments in the history of the world. Do you think there was a connection between his two gigs? Like maybe his later struggle for liberation was an unconscious atonement for his youthful labors? That's my hypothesis. In the coming week, Capricorn, I suggest you instigate a Thomas Paine–like boomerang. Think of something you did in the past that constricted your spirit or squeezed other people's possibilities. Use that memory as a launching pad as you unleash a brilliant stroke in the name of abundance and expansiveness. Halloween costume suggestion: freedom fighter.

AQUARIUS [Jan. 20–Feb. 18] Lightning strikes somewhere on the earth 6,000 times every minute. A single bolt may carry a million volts and reach a temperature of 50,000 degrees Fahrenheit. If this elemental force could be tamed and utilized, it would provide enough energy to raise a cruise ship six feet in the air. While you won't be able to literally harness a lightning bolt in the coming week, Aquarius, you could accomplish the metaphorical equivalent. At least temporarily, you have an uncanny talent for mobilizing tremendous power that's normally too hot to handle. Halloween costume suggestion: a relaxed, smiling lightning bolt.

PISCES [Feb. 19–March 20] "Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness," wrote Mark Twain. I'd add that it also tends to dissolve dogmas, break bad habits, and flush away sterile theories that haven't been tested by actual experience. These are all blessings I wish for you right now, Pisces. I hope that as you wander free of your familiar haunts, you'll have your mind completely blown, get shocked out of your limiting beliefs about yourself, and be so electrified by the world's beauty that you pretty much fall in love with everything and everyone. Halloween costume suggestion: a tourist, nomad, Sherpa guide, shaman, Ferdinand Magellan, Sacagawea, Amelia Earhart.

okay, what is a Sacagawea? anyody know? I think dressing up as Magellan could be an interesting costume, huh? I'll just be a tourist! ha! Now I am on a hunt for a costume to parade in here tomorrow!